5 Types Of FIFA Player

 

It’s not a secret that we are a nation of FIFA lovers. To most of us, FIFA is not just a game, it is a way of life. To all of you people out there who constantly remind us to ‘spend more time with one another’ rather that explode with anger after conceding a ‘sweaty goal’ in the last minute – No. you simply do not understand the magnitude of what we are going through here, you really don’t. 

We all have a different attitude towards playing the beautiful game. Some relaxed, some go ballistic. It’s just the way it is. Here are five different types of players you’ve probably come up against while playing FIFA.

The Rage Quitter

So, you’re winning 1-0 after scoring an unbelievable individual effort from kick-off. Suddenly, the game stops and the following message appears on your screen: ‘Connection has been lost with your opponent.’ It appears your opponent has threw their controller against a wall in sheer anger after your sublime finish in the opening minutes. You laugh to yourself - content knowing that your opponent will be angry for the rest of the day.

The Replay Watcher

There is nothing worse than a FIFA player who watches every single replay throughout the entire match. Whether it be a goal, a tackle or the half-time highlight reel. I really don’t understand why people insist on savouring every single angle of their strike. Then, when things couldn’t get any worse, the opposing player scores a header from a corner and thinks it’s the best goal in the world, ever. Let the replays commence!

The Sweaty Goal King

Well, well, well. We have arrived at possibly the most frustrating type of player in this list. You can see the sweat literally dripping from this player’s forehead, as he squares the ball to his team-mate and slots home from 2 yards. The player proceeds to perform the ‘shush’ celebration while sprinting to the half-way line, straight past all your players to then perform a highly original knee slide. A quote from Andy Tate comes to mind: “You are nothing, you are a fool and you are a waste of time.”

The Ultimate Team Pro

This is the guy who spends his hard earned cash on virtual packs as he assembles possibly the greatest side in the history of FIFA Ultimate Team. His squad includes 4 legends and an in-form Ronaldo. You on the other hand have 8 bronze players, 2 silvers and a 75-rated Steve Sidwell. His record is his life. A solid 6 hours per-day is spent improving his already impressive win/loss ratio of 364-4-20. A pale complexion and a hole in his pocket - a die-hard FIFA player.

The Aggressive

‘WHY ARE YOU SO BAD RONALDO!’ screams the 9-year-old child as he tries 293 step-overs in a row. Okay mate, you’ve just severely damaged my hearing and all I can hear is a constant buzzing, thanks very much. You will have played someone who is constantly angry while playing FIFA. Even if the person is winning, they insist on shouting after every goal scored. If you pause a game, it really is the end of the world for your opponent. Expect a feisty message upon your arrival into the game.

JACK KENMARE
Twitter: @jackkenmare_